The Dirty South

meet baton bob...

2005-07-21T11:05:00.000-07:00

On a sunny Sunday afternoon, KE and I were headed to the Highlands for dinner when we had our first run in with the one and only BATON BOB. He was wearing a purple tube top with matching mini skirt, puffy purple socks, a purple hat, all the while walking down the street twirling a baton and blowing his whistle. He would stop in front of the patios of all the restaurants that line 10th street and do a brief routine and then march on down the street.

Just the other day, I happened to be flipping through the newspaper and I found an article all about Baton Bob. For your viewing pleasure, I decided to do some research and find some pictures of this man for all you readers who are unable to see him in person performing.

for more information on baton bob, you can visit his website
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ambassadorofmirth/

Sunday Fun Day...minus KE

2005-07-09T15:02:00.000-07:00

Picture 1 - "M" is for Milkshake (Stacey and her rack...her milkshake is better than yours)

Picture 2 - Mandy and I (shots...thats how we do in the durrrty south)

Picture 3 - Mandy and Dick Mock (enough with the teeth already)

Picture 4 - Stacey and I (how good do I look in these pants?)

Trapped in HELL

2005-07-04T09:11:00.000-07:00

well....i am still in new castle. miserably i have been able to endure the week so far with just a small shred of depression which is starting to set in. this place is finally catching up with me though...boring and old. i have been to all the 7 bars within the last three days and have managed to see the same damn people at each one of them. i have attended two weddings and drank myself to a stupor each night. if i actually lived here i would probably become a raging alcoholic and a hermit.

can somone please tell me why there is a house painted black and gold on the east side? you can be a die hard steelers fan, but it is not necessary to paint your f'in house black and gold. NO MAMM!

i also would like to know why walmart is the only happening place in town? (yes i did go to a walmart...shame on me) is it beacuse there is not a cover charge for $35, or because it is cheap and the people in new castle are cheap? (shad's had a $35 cover charge for their VIP party on sat...who is VIP in new castle and what dumb ass would pay to attend?)

and i am not a snob, i am just civilized. i am sorry that i shop at expensive stores and my jeans cost more than your outfit. it is your own fault that your jeans don't cost as much as someone else's outfit...don't make me out to be the bad guy.

if i see one more f'in dollar store i think i am going to puke.

ruby tuesdays is not a five star restaurant...please take note of this.

quit telling me i am "soooo skinny." i have weighed the same for the past two years...you probably just got fatter making me look smaller.

i am not an asshole, i am just HONEST.

white trash makes me throw up in my mouth....newsflash, your 1985 t-top camaro is not a nice car...actually it is a piece of shit and you are fooling yourself if you think people envy you for having it.

i know there are dentists here, in fact, my cousin is one. so go get your teeth fixed....rotting teeth is out this year, a white smile is in.

i have decided to leave on wednesday instead of thursday...i miss the "real world" of atlanta and physically cannot take being here much longer.

p.s. to the residents of new castle...i give you props for enduring the horrible pathetic city of new castle...enjoy it now before it gets any worse.

disclaimer...sorry mac, i know you don't like me picking on new castle, but these are some of the issues that need addressed.

random thoughts and questions i had today

2005-06-21T15:40:00.000-07:00

is the gold at the top of the bank of america tower real?

what are they building next to kroger on howell mill?

why does that car in front of me keep hitting the brakes?

should i stop and get gas now or wait till later?

why do people in the middle lane go slower than people in the right lane?

that girl on the corner has a fupa.

i hate red lights.

why is everyone working at chik-filet mexican?

it is 90 degrees...again.

this new trance cd was a good purchase

i need to wash clothes.

i haven't talked to KE since last week....she needs to move closer to the city.

ugh....more "urban" people!

who gave that bitch a drivers license and then bought her an suv?

in one week i will be in new castle.

i lost my lighter.

this $152 cable bill is dumb...we need basic cable, screw this platinum package.

great...another smog alert...and no i will not ride marta. (the signs above I-85 tells you to take marta to help reduce smog)

it's 2:15 and i am stuck in a traffic jam...does that make sense?

how is three lanes supposed to merge into one?

how many drinks did i have last night?

i cant' wait to be off on sunday.

bitter kitty

2005-06-20T22:13:00.000-07:00

yes...you can call me a bitter kitty. after friday night (ghetto fab friday at twist) i have decided that i can't wait to go to new castle for a week. yes i did just say that, but i said only for a week. i am looking forward to not working #1, not sitting in traffic #2, and a minimal amount of starkyshas and jeromeos #3. i am honest to god, signed on the dotted line, filling out a w-2 to pay taxes on, over urban people! (read that over and over till it makes sense) this may sound offensive and mean, but at this point i don't give a fuck who i piss off over that statement. i encountered every aspect of "ballas and hoes" on friday night. a theif, a liar, a cheap bastard who didn't even tip me, not once...but twice. this asshole actually had the nerve to get pissed when i told him i would not serve him a third time beacuse he didn't tip. he told me he would never come back to twist.....i told him GOOD, but im sure this fuck will be back just like the rest of them.
i am also sick of these losers driving $70,000 cars with $25,000 worth of accessories on them. but i guess if i lived in my car i would be able to drive a whip like that. here's a thought maybe they should sell their cars and spend the money on an education....spanish is our second language...not ebonics!
i am also sick of seeing the GHC (gangster hoe clique) that gets pissed because they have to pay a cover to get in a restaurant and then they don't even eat....thats why you are paying the cover you dumb fuck skank.

random quotes and conversations with the GHC and the Ballas

GHC-"can i swap my drink out for something else, i don't like this one"
Me-"you can buy another one, but i am not giving you another one for free"
GHC-"but i don't like this one"
ME-"and i am not paying for it, so you can either pay for another one or drink the one you have"
(of course the bitch will drink it cause she is too cheap to buy another one)

GHC-"this drink is too strong" (hey uneducated ebonics talking dumb bitch....your not supposed to complain if your drink is too strong, you complain if it is too weak)

Balla-"hey yo...get that girl a drink over there for me, but nothing expensive, give her the cheap shit" (newsflash...she isn't going to like you if your cheap...how about you don't buy her a drink and we call it a day?)

GHC-"what brand of sushi do you have?"
Me-"sushi is raw fish....there is no brand"
GHC-"i know what sushi is, but what brand do you guys use"
Me-"there isn't a brand, it comes from the ocean"
GHC-"well nevermind, ill just have something else"

GHC-"i' don't want this soup, it's going to make me full" (isnt that the reason you eat?)

GHC-"what time your club close?" (first off...speak english, second...this is not a club)

GHC-"can i get some churries with that" (once again...learn english)

Balla-"yo yo can i get a corona wit a shot of grenadine in it?" (what....are you fuckin kidding me, how about a lime?)

GHC-"can i get a shirley temple?" (just for the reference you are 32 and only little girls drink shirley temples)

honestly, i never thought i would ever dislike a group of people so much in my life. i have tried to give these people the benefit of the doubt, but i just can't do it anymore. i am looking for a new job...anyone have any ideas? let me know..........

I'm back....

2005-06-12T17:39:00.000-07:00

I am just going to list all the things that took place over the week and if you need any detail, ask me.

Monday...I worked alllllll day....10:30 in the morning till 10:30 at night....hungover

Tuesday...worked a few hours...went to the Braves game with the Early sisters...Kristen and I embarassed Bethany since we so drunk

Wednesday...went to Six Flags over Georgia...home to all the Alabama white trash and a place where Starkysha can drop her children off to be unsupervised and harass park patrons. I will NEVER go back to Six Flags. I guess A slash X doesn't fit in with fanny packs and fupas.... Mandy and I went out to the Highlands after we made it back home and drank ourselves into a stupor...fun times there.

Thursday...slept off my hangover and went to work at 5, then went out with the crew after

Friday...worked in the a.m. then watched t.v. the rest of the night...what a way to spend my first friday night off in 6 months

Saturday...worked in the a.m...then went out with Dick Mock, Mandy, and Mike T. Once again we painted the town red...a full night of barhopping.

Sunday.....

2005-06-06T12:04:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the univited rain clouds once again, our plans to attend Summer Fest in the Highlands were foiled...instead we went to Twist for lunch. Josh was bartending and since I work there, drinks were on the house. Ms. Butts (Stacey) and I drank like fish...actually I drank like the fish. In between all the sushi and raw oysters, I managed to chug down 8 Icepicks (Grey Goose Citrus Vodka, sweet tea, and a splash of sours). Yeah I was T-Rashed in a matter of and hour. Ms. Butts took control of the situation and climbed behind the wheel of the red rocket when we left. She now has been certified as a NASA astronaut.
Back to her pad we headed to pick up Clay, switch cars and head out to Alpharetta for dinner at her parents house. If ya'll know this city dweller, you know I don't cross the perimeter very often...(there are rednecks and suburnanites out there...scary stuff) but I was willing to make the trip for some good ol' southern bbq. Thirty five minutes later we are exiting 400N and Ms. Butts decides instead of watching in front of her, she is going to look to the left and plows into the back of an SUV. Yes...we hit an SUV with a foreigner named Chalupa in it. As good law abiding citizens we pull to the side and exchanged info with Mr. Taco Bell. He couldn't speak english and we forgot our pocket translators, so it was basically hopeless. (sidenote: if you come to US, learn to speak english before you get here...if you don't, then don't waste your time coming...and ebonics does not qualify as english)
Finally we arrived at the Butts residence, were I proceeded to drink a whole bottle of Sterling Savignon Blanc at dinner...BY MYSELF. By this point I was slurring my speech and tripping on my own feet. (ya'll might be concerned by the heavy drinking, but Sunday is my Friday...thats when I get my drink on) After stuffing our faces with the Mrs. Butts down home bbq we concurred that we have had enough of the suburbs and needed to head back to the smog covered concrete jungle of the dirty south. This wasn't then end of our night tho...we needed to finish off with a few more drinks, so we went to bar where I managed to sqeeuze in two more grey goose and sprites before I was cut off. Ms. Butts cut me off...bitch!

***Good News***

-I talked to my sister who told me they would be bringing Madison to Atlanta in Feb. for a cheering competition...this is exciting stuff, I'll get to show them around the ATL, it sucks that is is so far away tho.

-SRU graduate Mr. Cox got a real job...good for him.

-I made it safely home and wasn't late for work this morning. I do in fact have a serious hangover tho.

-This is good news for the people who want to see me, but bad news for me (since I will be in Pa)...I will be in New Castle June 30th-July 6th.

Dear Uninvited Rain Clouds....care of Mother Nature....

2005-06-01T15:16:00.000-07:00

I have noticed that you have been looming over the wonderful city of Atlanta for four days now. I am very annoyed that you have decided to unleash your monsoonal downpours since Sunday. This is Georgia, not England...June is supposed to be hot and sunny, not chilly and rainy. I don't know what kind of deal you have made with the sun, but I think ya'll need to re-negotiate. I am unable to lay at the pool, drive full speed for fear of hydroplaning, sit outside to eat, or do anything else that the rain prevents me from doing. I am giving you 12 hours to move your shit out of my sky before I take some serious action. You gave us two hurricanes back to back last year, and I feel that was enough rain for the year.

I am off tomarrow and I would like to enjoy the sun and possibly wax the red rocket. I cannot do this with your looming presence.

Please pack your bags and head out...we do not want you here. Remember...12 hours!

Signed...pissed off and sick of rain,
thedirtysouth

2005-05-31T14:07:00.000-07:00

Meet the Spawn of Satan...Maddie

news this weekend

2005-05-30T12:37:00.000-07:00

1st...the asshole on the crane is down...he was tricked by authorities by reaching for a glass of water...instead of the glass of water, he was tackled and tasered....hahaha. too bad he didn't fall over the side when they shocked the hell out of him.

2nd...it is raining....still. this has to be the shitiest weather ever. last year i spent memorial day with KE, HW, CW, John, Justin, and a few others drinking and jumping off waterfalls. this year, i am working and it is raining.

3rd...i am dogsitting till tues. her name is maddie and she is the devil. she decided to use the trim around my bathroom door as a chew too. bad dog.

4th...my sunburn from thursday has finally turned to a tan...i am on tan mutha f'er right now. ill have to take pictures

5th...i weighed myself today. i have gained about 2 lbs. 147 now folks. no ice cream for me this week. hopefully it just all the water i drank this morning...i am hungover.

6th...KE went to church with me yesterday...yes, you heard right...i took KE to church with me.
who's going to heaven now?

7th...music midtown is only two weeks away...thank god

8th...i might just be driving to new castle in july...the red rocket needs new brakes and they told me it would cost $240...my dad will do them for free, he knows how to do that kind of stuff...and yes this will be the second pair of brakes on my car which is only a year old...i need to quit using brakes or traffic in atlanta needs to go away.

9th...the "i'd fcuk me" shirt finally arrived....sidenote: i will never wear that shirt to the bar again...i guess the only ones who would fcuk me are the nasty fat ones...if one more beasty, ugly, freak tells me they would, i will throw up in my mouth...i guess the hot ones are just too shy to tell me they would fcuk me.

10th...i am fixin to go to work so thats all the time i have...peace

the Jumper

2005-05-27T06:44:00.000-07:00

To the idiot at the top of the crane in Buckhead (click crane to read the story)......

Jump already....damn it. You are causing nothing but headaches for the citizens of Atlanta. I am sick of waiting in traffic that you have caused since authorities have closed roads around the area of the crane. Your the dumbass that climbed to the top, now just JUMP. I am out of sympathy for you and you are wasting our time and law enforcement.

I am giving you one more hour to come down, if you do not then I am going to personally climb that crane and shove you over the side....walk down or get shoved...take your pick.

Signed,
annoyed and over it

Shirtless in Atlanta

2005-05-25T12:01:00.000-07:00

About two weeks ago I headed over to Lenox to buy some summer clothes and exchange a shirt. While away on business, KE purchased me a shirt at French Connection, aka FCUK, a new, hip and trendy clothing line with only a handful of stores in the US. She got me large...problem. I am not a fat ass and if you have seen me lately, you would know I need a small. (it's ok KE, it's the thought that counts).

Anyways back to the story....I arrived at Lenox and headed strait for the FCUK store, and of course they did not have the size I needed in that shirt. The kind manager told me they could ship me one from the New York store. Not a problem I said and filled out the necessary paper work and did a little shopping while I was in there. I ended up buying another shirt and pair of boxer briefs...you have to see me in these.....it's hot.

Two weeks later (now), I still have not recieved my shirt. I think FCUK in New York has FCUKed up. I am getting a little ticked off...I have waited long enough for that shirt. It is powder blue and in black across the front it says "i'd fcuk me." I would rock this out.

So this all brings me to be "shirtless in atlanta." Send me some shirts.

.................

2005-05-24T13:56:00.000-07:00

O.K. so it has been brought to my attention by quite a few people that they read my blog daily. Are you lying to me or do you really read it? If you really do read it, then post me a frickin comment. It takes two seconds....two....that's all. Now on to more serious matters....

Anyone want to buy me plane ticket to Pa? It is quite ridiculous how much these airline bastards think they can charge me. Is the price of the ticket really worth the trip to New Castle?

Me: Hello...can I have a round trip ticket to Pittsburgh from Atlanta for July 1st?
Airline: Well sir, since it's around a holiday, its going to cost you an arm, a leg, 4 toes and your torso. Normally it would only cost an arm and a leg, but since it's a holiday we tack on the 4 toes, and the torso covers the 9/11 tax.
Me: Oh yeah...I didn't think of that. How bout you just have my soul and we'll call it a day.
Airline: Im sorry sir, but we won't be accepting souls anymore due to fact that half the population sells their souls to the devil for crack cocaine and oxys...they just don't have any value anymore.
Me: Shit.....but I know what your saying.
Airline: For the complete left side of your body, from head to toe, we can bump you up to first class. Would you be intrested in that?
Me: Hmmm...if that's the best I am going to get then I guess I will take it.

If intrested in buying me a ticket...call me.
Thanx, Bye

Call me McGyver

2005-05-23T14:02:00.000-07:00

The game plan: Mandy (my roommate) would leave before us, get the red rocket from the valet, and I would catch a ride with someone else later, by taking my keys, she agreed to leave the door unlocked so I had a way into the apartment when I got home.

After fianlly returning home from Shout, where I ate the hell out of some sushi and drank ridiculous amounts of beer (on top of all the beer I drank at the pool earlier), I walked up the steps of my apartment to find the door was locked. Knock Knock...no answer....Pound Pound...still no answer. Bang Bang...nothing. By this point the neighbors were probably calling the cops on me for abusing a door. Drunkenly, I called Mandy's phone, assuming she was in her room and couldn't hear me beating the shit out of the door. No answer. Called again....no answer. WTF?

Wait...I know exactly what happened, in a drunken state of mind, Mandy locked the door and passed out. Since living with Mandy, I found out that nothing wakes her up when she is drunk...NOTHING. She becomes a corpse.

Now what....hmmmm

Maybe the french doors on the balcony are unlocked.....Praying that they were, I walked around the building and started to climb.

****Picture this...Me...t-rashed, 5'10, in jeans, flip flops, and a white AX tshirt...no climbing experience what so ever...the building...5 stories, concrete, and looming above me. Thank god we live on the second floor****

Up I went, if you could have only saw this man in action....I looked like McGyver. Actually, I looked even better than McGyver. With style and skills of a ninja, I scaled the side of that damn building like it was my job. Give me a W-2 to fill out for this. Over the railing, I was on the balcony. Thinking to myself as I walk over to the door, thank god I am still alive.....and locked. This cannot be happening? I peer through the door and I can see Mandy passed out on the couch. All the lights on, and the tv glaring. I then procede to beat the hell out of the door...again. Still no response. By this point, I realize the only other option is to break in. I reach for the Bank of America debit card. Without any special training, I slide my card down the crack between the door and the frame, viola...it unlocked. HELL FUCKIN YEAH...I KICK ASS...AND I WAS DRUNK THE WHOLE TIME. Yelling and screaming as I burst through, Mandy still does not wake.

Moral of this story...Bank of America debit cards kick ass, and don't ever give your keys to a corpse, they will lock you out.

Side note***MTV called, they heard of my skills and I will now be part of their new reality show..."Drunken Break-ins"

I'm addicted

2005-05-19T18:36:00.000-07:00

I watched Napoleon Dynamite today for about the 10th time and by far, this is my favorite part of the movie. For your reading enjoyment I searched and found the lines....

Napoleon Dynamite: Hey can I use your guys's phone for a sec?
Secretary No. 1: Is there anything wrong?
Napoleon Dynamite: I don't feel very good.[takes telephone and dials number]
Kip [making nachos on the other line]: Hi.
Napoleon Dynamite: Is grandma there?
Kip: No, she's getting her hair done.
Napoleon Dynamite: Ugh!!
Kip: What do you need?
Napoleon Dynamite: Can you just go get her for me?
Kip: I'm really busy right now.
Napoleon Dynamite: Just tell her to come get me.
Kip: Why?
Napoleon Dynamite: Cause I don't feel good!
Kip: Well, have you talked to the school nurse?
Napoleon Dynamite: No, she doesn't know anything.Will you just come get me?
Kip: No.
Napoleon Dynamite: Well, will you do me a favor then? Can you bring me my chapstick?
Kip: No, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite: But my lips hurt real bad!
Kip: Just borrow some from the school nurse. I know she has like five sticks in her drawer.
Napoleon Dynamite: I'm not gonna use hers, you sicko!
Kip: See ya.
Napoleon Dynamite: Ugh! Idiot!

If you haven't seen it, then you suck.

Songs of the past

2005-05-18T15:47:00.000-07:00

On my way to work this morning, I reached into the glove box and yanked out my cd collection to see what I can find. I pulled out F-A-T This Is The Remix Vol. 8 (morgan knows about these). I was seriously cracking up thinking about some of the things from the summer in which I made that cd. So below I am going to compile a few of the things I thought of...

the deer
swimming at gram's
"I should have swallowed you"..and.."he F-I-N-G-E-R-E-D her"
Joe Pa's baseball games
the Prochy deathgrip
my 21st birthday bash
the red rocket cruising the projects
the stain on the carpet....lol
KE being on lock down and never being allowed to hang out with us
the chip in the eye
crashing the graduation party...Kpac driving the get away car
our whole crew
the drive-in movies
eating subway and KFC all the time
mulligans
bar hopping on the south side
poker nights
playing cards with wea
Jared's fatter than Morgans fat mix mix
the Y from hell
the pirates game
parties at scumrock
the celebrity golf challenge at Nevillewood
hot pepper cheese balls
forbush's
the booty shake
morgan hating me every other day cause I was ruining her life
the baby pool and the waterfall
the shark

if you can think of any more let me know

Top Ten again...

2005-05-16T11:33:00.000-07:00

So it was brought to my attention that I have been constantly bashing New Castle, so I decided that I would do a Top Ten list of reasons that Atlanta sometimes annoys me....

10. Traffic...I know you have heard this before, but let me just tell you, it never gets any better or less stressful...best time to travel the streets of ATL, 3 a.m.

9. Scorching hot sun in the summer...When is 90 and 100% humidity for days straight, it gets old real fast. When the low temp at night is only 82, it gets even older. Granted I love the sun, but can we get a break from the heat sometime?

8. No real Italian food...Where can I get some good old homemade Italian food? No where here in the city. I have been to a few places and nothing compares to anything you can get in New Castle. Send me some Augustines Pizza and Pizza Joes Roni Rolls. ATL doesn't even know what roni rolls and cavatelli are.

7. Alcohol at bars and clubs cost and arm and a leg. Seriously! You order at Grey Goose and Sprite and the bartender tells you, "That will be one arm and a leg, and we don't accept prostectics." I usually pay about $9 for my drink (grey goose and sprite), but when I was in New Castle, it was only $4.

6. Car Tax...Every year on your birthday the state of Georgia makes you pay tax on your car, instead of getting it inspected. Happy Birthday Georgia Citizens, you owe us money. This shit should be paid once, not every year. I guess it is a punishment for driving a nice car. I need to trade in the 2004 Red Rocket for a 1980 Blue Chevy Citation with a broken window and my tax would be about $1.

5. Atlanta is a tourist city of the south...with the busiest airport in the world, we get all kinds of people passing through the city. I hate tourists. New Castle is lucky...they don't ever have to worry about tourists. Note to readers...avoid the ATL Airport at every chance you get, it's a giant clusterfuck.

4. Mexicans...why do they all live here? You can actually drive to a gas station or hardware store and buy a mexican for a day to do work for you. When you pull up, they fight to get into your car. Oh yeah...they also drive without a license and wreck into people in their shitty heaps of junk. I have found this out first hand. If they are going to come here then they need to learn to speak english. I probably should have paid more attention to Ms. Smith.

3. Road work... they are constantly doing road work and causing even more back ups. Props to the city for wanting nice roads, but do the work after midnight so you don't hold up traffic.

2. My family lives in New Castle (god bless their souls). It sucks that my family and friends live so far away. Ya'll need to get out of there now, before it gets any worse. If you have any questions as to why, take a drive from SHS through downtown and up the North Hill, then come down here and follow Peachtree Road through ATL and that should answer any questions.

1. If you have talked to me recently, then you obviously know I am quite bitter towards african americans. No, I have not ran off and joined the KKK yet, but the thought has crossed my mind a few times. I am talking about the ghetto fucks that don't work and try to show off their $50,000 cars. I think they missed the memo...you are not supposed to live in your car. It is a mode of transportation, not a home. Also, quit being cheap and learn how to tip. 10% is not the standard. Sell your car, buy a house and then you will have money to tip. Deal? I do have one question that I often ponder...why are they called african americans if they are born here...wouldn't that make them american??????

Dear Music Midtown Planners,

2005-05-12T15:24:00.000-07:00

I have a bone to pick with you, actually a few. After waiting a year for another weekend of nothing but music and beer, I was pissed off to find that the dates have changed. Last year, Music Midtown was held the 1st weekend of May....this year you have planned the event for the middle of June. Do you dumbasses not live in Georgia? Having an event that takes place all day OUTSIDE, for three days, requires good weather, sunny, but not too hot. If I recall correctly, the average tempature in the middle of June is about 90 with 100% humidity. If you are ultimately trying to severely dehydrate, melt, and cook your events goers, then I apologize for my rudeness. If that is not the plan then I am going to continue to bitch. Granted there may be shade, but you have all 5 stages set up in fields....and in front of a stage is where the patrons will be standing...with no freakin shade. Does the holocaust ring a bell? I really do not think the city of Atlanta wants to held responsible for the burning of citizens.

I am also very highly pissed the cost of tickets went from $50 to $75. Obviously with inflation, the cost of burning in public has risen. What are we getting extra for the $25 difference? Air conditioning units would be nice, or how about CLEAN bathrooms. Not porter potties with over flowing tanks of shit. I'd feel cleaner urinating in my pants.

Thirdly, your website needs to be charged with false advertising. Quit telling people to ride the MARTA. I tried that one last year and it was a nightfuckinmare....did you get that, nightfuckinmare. We were jammed packed on trains, that were stuck in the stations because some fat bitch's ass would not allow that doors to close (this also once again reminds me of the holocaust). Add that to the thousands of smelly, drunk, loud, trashy, and cracked out people you allow to ride on a daily basis and you get a disaster. Any fool that would try to use MARTA for a second year should be shot. Also, please get in contact with MARTA, they need to work on changing their slogan from "MARTA, IT'S SMARTA" to "MARTA, WE WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE HELL AND LEAVE YOU AT THE LAST TRAIN STATION AT 1 IN THE MORNING TO FEND FOR YOURSELF."

As for the stages...Who's idea was it to let Jermaine Dupri produce that hip hop stage? Do you not know how much I hate this man. We are bitter enemies and I feel he should be locked up wand the key thrown away. Who added the country stage? Hello....68% of Atlanta is African American....think about it dipshits.

Is Hitler in charge of this event? I feel there is a lot of similar situations that took place in Germany during WWII. Although I am deeply angered, I will be attending this year, along with my out of town friends who are making the trip down from PA.

Advice for next year....call me for ideas.

AND....SCENE

HERE is the website so you can see who is playing this year

the air returns

2005-05-11T12:42:00.000-07:00

Finally...the air conditioning is fixed and I will be able to return to feeling cool again in this blazing hot Georgia weather.....thank you fat air conditioner fixer guy.

broken air unit

2005-05-10T18:06:00.000-07:00

It's 80 frickin degrees outside and I don't have any air conditioning.......

As I sit here melting onto my keyboard, I am going to explain to you the how that saga began....

5:16 a.m. monday morning, after returning home from a night of heavy drinking with KE and some other friends, I awoke thanks to a late night phone call (which is a whole story in itself). I was on the couch, sweating profusely and confused of how I ended up there. (actually i figured i stumbled in the door and passed out, tequila and mexican beer does that to ya) Dazed and hot as hell I got up and turned on the air conditioning and crawled into bed......

12:08 p.m monday afternoon, I awoke once again....even hotter and soaked from head to toe like a tsunami victim washed out to sea. WTF???? I drug my ass out of bed and walked to the thermostat to make sure I had in fact not turned the heat on in my drunken, hot state of mind. Suprisingly....the air was on and set to 68, but the thermometer read 78. How the fuck is it 78 in my damn apartment when the damn air had been running for 7 hours? I thought to myself that this thing was obvioulsy broke. I then proceeded to call the office and they told me the maintence guy would be right over.

Dripping wet and hung over as hell, I opened all the windows, the french doors, and turned on the ceiling fans and anxiously awaited the arrival of the fat man to fix my shit.

About 10 mins later the fat man arrives and checks everything out...."Yup, it's broken" he says. No shit, I think to myself. "The compressor went bad and it's going to take me till Wednesday to get a new one in." Well isn't that just fuckin convienient? So basically, I am going to have to sweat it out. It just so happens that yesterday and today have been two of the hottest days of the year so far....GO FIGURE. This leaves me very bitter and ready to kick some ass if this shit is not fixed tommarrow. I'll keep ya'll updated....Send me some of that cold PA air...PLEASE

Call me ARTSY FARTSY

2005-05-09T21:58:00.000-07:00

On Thursday, after spending time Mother's Day shopping, I decided to stop in the art supply store down the street to see what I could find....

I ended up leaving with white canvases and paint (cobalt blue and silver)....

I spent the rest of the afternoon painting and hanging and here is what I ended up with....

2005-05-09T21:54:00.000-07:00

I'm and artist

Finally....

2005-05-05T10:05:00.000-07:00

and the drama continued....but I worked it all out. I finally got the cord for the camera and was all ready to put the pics on the computer and WHAM...

Computer: you need software to take pictures off the camera
Me: fuck you computer
Computer: hahaha...
Me: we will see about that (and i download the software off the internet)
Computer: you may have won this time...but you won't win again

I am still trying to master this posting pics to my blog thing, so bear with me. Since this has taken all morning I need to get going so I find something for my mom for mother's day and ship it to PA...peace

2005-05-05T10:04:00.000-07:00

Cooper River Bridge

2005-05-05T10:03:00.001-07:00

Rainbow Row in Charleston

2005-05-05T10:03:00.000-07:00

Me in Downtown Charleston along the waterfront

2005-05-05T10:02:00.000-07:00

Another view off our balcony...that's the 18th hole

2005-05-05T10:01:00.000-07:00

The 18th hole right next to the ocean....

2005-05-05T10:00:00.000-07:00

Me at the beach....the sun was in my eyes so that is why I look like an ass

2005-05-05T09:59:00.000-07:00

A view off our balcony

2005-05-05T09:39:00.000-07:00

Our condo building

I am addicted to....

2005-05-03T17:22:00.000-07:00

My Samsung SCh-a70...but I despise Verizon

My bed...can you get paid for sleeping?

On Demand...thank you Comcast

Sushi and raw oysters

Blue Moon, Stella Artois, and Grey Goose Vodka with Sprite and 2 limes

Limewire...where else can I get my tunes

Armani Exchange...KE need I say more

Airtran...please give me cheap plane tickets..oh yeah first class please

CNN...I need to know what is going on in this world

Napoleon Dynamite..."Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter."

Bank of America...my debit card is god

Techno, trance and house music

Parliment Lights with recessed filters

Sundays...family day with KE

Diet Coke

Godiva Chocolate

Listerine Breath Strips

Six Feet Under South Park, and Niptuck...new seasons start soon

Going out to eat

Flip flops...I hate shoes

Things that annoy me.....

2005-05-01T17:57:00.000-07:00

I knew that if I posted this on A Career Woman and A Housewife I would not have enough space for all the things that annoy me, so I figured I would put it on my blog...and here they are
(this is going to be a long list)

People who eat like tsunami victims...come on now people, we are not going to run out of food, pace yourself. This is why half of America is fat.

FUPA's aka Fat Upper P*ssy Area...the low stomach on very overweight people that hangs down over their private areas.

Mirrors...I get really sick of seeing how good looking I am.

Verizon...they constantly screw up my phone bill...can we get the plan right?

The fact that my clothes are overpriced and expensive (they do look good tho)...I wish I had no dignity and could just buy clothes at wal-mart and call it a day.

People who have nasty feet and wear sandals.

Ashley Simpson...why is she still famous, she has tarnished her last name.

New Castle, PA...need I say more?

The gate to my apartment complex...I am annoyed that everytime I come home I have to stop and punch in a code.

Apple martinis...they aren't cool...can we think of something a little more original?

The fact that 68% of Atlanta's population is NOT white. (I'm sure this will piss off someone)

KE is not here for our Sunday Family day....she is in new castle instead..blah!

Traffic....I think we already established this one before.

Corn rows and weaves...that is just dirty...wash your damn hair.

Homeless people...I will not give you a quarter or a cigarette.

My down comforter when it gets bunched up inside the red Nautica duvet cover KE and Heidi bought me for my birthday.

Usher...we need to exile him and Ashley Simpson. (sorry KE)

Pollen...f*ck the pollen in Atlanta. It makes me stuffy and my car turns yellow.

West Virginia...let's go back to colonial times and give it back to Britain.

Airport Security...unqualified and unintelligent (especially the Pittsburgh Airport).

Traffic helicopters...they are loud and always seem to hover right over my apartment.

The fat Starkysha that lives above me.

Cheap people...don't go out if you can't afford to tip. (for all of you that don't know, the proper tip for a server/bartender is 20% of your total bill)

Speeding tickets...leave me alone, I can handle my car at a speed over the limit.

Mariah Carey trying to have a come back...

Music Midtown tickets are $75 this year...compared to $50 last year.

Being called a Yankee. My address is Atlanta, Ga now, not New Castle, Pa. I was a Yankee!

People who have babies and can't afford them.

12 year old sluts.

There are so many more but I am out of time...If I get a chance I will add them later.

Update

2005-05-01T13:54:00.000-07:00

Jane from the previous blog was fired Friday for snorting coke in the bathroom at work. Sucks to be her.

What do you think....

2005-04-26T19:21:00.000-07:00

A girl that I work with...lets call her Jane, revealed that she has in fact pawned the title to her car in order to get money to pay rent for the month of April...yes folks this is April 26th, making her rent 26 days late. Pawning her title to her car means that she handed over the title to her car to a pawn shop, and in turn they gave her cash. She has 2 weeks to pay them back with an interest rate of 20% or her car will be theirs. How fuckin dumb is this girl? It gets better...I promise. Jane, her husband, and their roomate are addicts...they have a great relationship with crystal meth and cocaine. You could say they are a drug dealer's best friend. They waste all of their money on drugs, rather than food, shelter and monthly bills. Their rent total is $700 a month, divided by three. You do the math...about $233.33 per person/per month. My rent is 1000 a month and I only live with one other person...$500 a month each, and we pay our's every month, ON TIME. I also have a car payment and many other bills. The difference between us is that I DO NOT DO DRUGS.
I have comprised a list below of reason why she is such a dumbass and why I have no respect for her low life kind....
1. It's April 26th...May's rent is due in 5 days. ( that means she has to pay May's rent and the pawn shop back)
2. She does drugs
3. She has made her eyes bulge out of her head due to an excessive amount of drugs and lack of sleep
4. She gave up her saturday night shift to go out (the night we make most money)
5. She loves drugs
6. She got $1700 back in tax refunds and blew it in a week (hello, 2 months rent, not one night's drugs)
7. She takes drugs
8. She lives with her husband and another roomate? Find that odd???????
9. She is on drugs
10.She has a degree in criminal justice....(how ironic)
11.Her husband threw up on himself at the bar at TWIST while she was working
12.They have 12 cats in an apartment (I wonder if they do drugs too)

Leave me your opinions on this...........

AX...Desk...and a Brotha

2005-04-26T16:12:00.000-07:00

First...I still have yet to get the cord for the digital camera to hook it up to the computer, so the beach pics and stories are going to have to wait....sorry ya'll. But I have some new stories to fill in the space....

Sunday: As usual I awoke and headed to church. This time by myself...at the Buckhead branch. I guess arriving 15 mins before the service starts is a mistake, you need to come earlier... it's either fight people for seats in middle, or take a seat in the second row next a lone lamb of god...I decided not fight and took the seat with the lamb of god.
After church me and KE met up for our weekly eat, get drunk, and shop...except this time we shopped before getting tanked. Actually, we RAPED Armani Exchange so that we can look even better than we already do. With 20% off guest coupons in hand we got discounts that do not happen too often in AX. We will be sure to take pictures in our new gear, to make all your mouths water and jealous you don't have an AX in Pa.

Monday: Nothing really to exciting...got up at 9 to help my friend Ryan move into his new studio.....yeah that was tiring. I also got a new computer desk...and it kicks ass. Glass and metal..sleek and modern!

Tuesday: Here is where the brotha (yes I did say this and I don't give a f**k who I offend)comes into play.....On my way to work, I decided to stop in McDonalds for a quick bite to eat. I pull up to the drive thru and stop behind a piece of shit white car. As I am reaching for a different CD, I notice back up lights lighting up right before my very eyes and the piece of shit white car hurling back towards the red rocket...SMASH....the f**ker hits the red rocket. AW HELL NO...did he just hit my car? (my Starkysha reaction for some humor although this is no laughing matter) Pissed as all hell, I get out of the red rocket to inspect the damage. The driver of the piece of shit white car hangs out his window throw his arms up and yells....

Brotha (i'm sure you can figure out why I am calling him this): "What's the problem?"

Me (enraged): "You hit my f**kin car is the problem!"

Brotha (with his gold tooth, while his homegirl is throwin up her arms and trippin): "There ain't no need for you to get attitude"

Me: "The attitude comes from the fact that you HIT my car"

Brotha: "There ain't nothin wrong with your car" (probably as he reached for his gun to blow my head off)

Me: "Give me your insurance information"

Brotha: "Why?" (obviously being uneducated and probably having no insurance on his piece of shit he doesn't know the proper procedure for this kind of incident"

Me: "Well I am not paying for the damage that you did...so I guess I'll just take your license plate number and call the cops"

Brotha: "Do what the fuck you want, they can't touch me" (he then procedes to drive away...as his muffler hangs to the ground and spits out black smoke)

Flicking the asshole uneducated idiot off, I write down his license plate number and call the ATL P.D. F**k him and the piece of shit he backed up in....hit and run...ever hear of that? So after about 10 mins the officer arrives and takes down some information and gives me a number that I can call to see what progress is made in my claim. (don't worry, I will be checking up on this one every day) They don't call it a drive thru for nothing...if this f**ktard could read he would have known not to back up and hit other customers. (the glare off his gold tooth on his rear view mirror must have made him unable to see me behind him)
We will find out tommarrow what kind of damage is done when I take the red rocket to the dealership for a check up. I hope the brotha and his homegirl like buses...cause their asses are going to be riding one....No more drive thrus for them!

Back...

2005-04-22T06:58:00.000-07:00

Well I am back from the Isle of Palms....it was a much needed vacation. I'll have pictures and stories posted as soon as I get a chance...talk to ya'll later...

Isle of Palms

2005-04-18T11:29:00.000-07:00

Well, it's Monday and I am currently packing for the beach. I will be gone till Thursday, and I will be sure to make a post when I get back.

I am going to the Isle of Palms...a semi-private island off the coast of Charleston, South Carolina. We have a 5th floor penthouse in a private resort community.....Jealous?

...and folks, I shaved my head today...I'll be sure to post a pic of that.

See ya'll when I get back

Dear State Of Georgia,

2005-04-14T14:35:00.000-07:00

As a law abiding citizen, I have filed my taxes for 2004, and I am a bit pissed off.

I owe $521 to you for my state taxes. that's $521 on top of the money that you have already collected from me throughout the year.

You might as well just take my soul for your own and call it a day. So where does all my money go I ask? I think I have a pretty good idea just from being alive for 23 years. Unemployed scumbags? You take money from your hardworking citizens so you can spend frivolously to feed and clothe the jobless and their circus of children. If the low lives of society would get off their lazy Jerry Springer watching asses and get jobs, my taxes would could probably be lower. As a concerned citizen, I have come up with a few ways that your system could work more effectively.

Since you send these losers free money every month, they should have to work for it like the rest of society. On the first of the month, each sorry loser must have done all of the following (to be listed below) and arrive in person to be checked out at the state welfare office...sort of like you would at a grocery store.

Idea #1 - Bring 30 trash bags of garbage you collected from along the highway (one for every day of the month). Picking up trash along the highway is part-time job #1.

Idea # 2 - Give proof of their children's grades. These scumbags, although they may not be qualified will help their children to learn so they can grow up to be good, educated citizens with jobs. Tutor would be part-time job # 2.

Idea # 3 - Show a proof of their form of birth control (excluding condoms and the pill, sterilization is the only form accepted).

Idea # 4 - As their form of tax payment, they must give the state of Georgia a few shreds of the dignity. Taking their dignity as form of payment may pressure the unemployed to look for a job and quit sitting around all day watching tv in their FREE homes.

I would greatly appreciate it if you would consider putting these ideas into effect. Maybe by 2005, you will be able to lower taxes and I won't owe your fine state so much money.

Yours truly,
thedirtysouth

In the news.......

2005-04-13T15:36:00.000-07:00

Story #1...right out of Tennessee.........

STORY (click before proceeding)

Now after reading that, do you wonder what kind of dumbass that woman was? First off, anyone who is cheating on their spouse should not be so stupid as to let the person live in their closet. Second, how do you live in someone's closet? I don't even have enough room in there for all of my clothes, let alone a person. Third...if I was that husband, I think I would have kicked the bitch and her lover out of the house...I'd be damned if I was going anywhere for a walk. And lastly, what the hell kind of name is Rafeal DeJesus Rocha-Perez? I'm sure he is probably an illegal immigrant

Speaking of white trash.....

STORY (click before proceeding)

Picture this.....A trailer deep in the Louisiana bayou with a silver BMW parked outside....
enough said, I think we all know that is where this crazy b*tch is headed. I wonder is she is related to the woman in the first story

Screw the I-75 construction........

2005-04-11T22:33:00.000-07:00

Avoid Collier Road at all cost....you ask why? I am going to tell you.

Friday night...after working 14 hours with only an hour break, I hopped my ass into the red rocket that was ever so shiny and red sitting in P2, the parking deck known as the Court of the South.

I headed over to Dantanna's where I enjoyed a beer that would hold me over for the 10 minute stressful ride back to my apartment. As usual, I merged onto Georgia 400 South for about 2 miles and hit the I-85 south bottleneck, where as usual the incapable drivers in Georgia who cannot merge almost killed me for the 11000000 millionth (i think i made this a word) time. After a dangerous 3 miles on 85 south, I looped around the Brookwood Interchange onto I-75 north so I could hit the Howell Mill exit as I do everyday. I took the right off the exit and then the left at the Blockbuster onto Collier Road...almost home. As I came down the hill past the Post Apartments, I saw the sign for road construction on the overpass for I-75. This is where the shit starts............

As I headed under the bridge I noticed the Niagra Falls of the South pouring off of the bridge, with the window down and a cigarette in my hand I sped through. White water...water consisting of concrete dust and road particles paint the red rocket white. She was now the white lightning. Oh and yes...Niagra Falls of the South also made it inside the car since I neglected to put up the window. Damned smokers! Are you fu*king kidding me? This shit wasn't just a splattering, it was a full on coating. It looked like the red rocket was raped by a flock of seagulls and pigeons. Tired and pissed I crawled up the steps of my apartment, showered and headed off to bed.

The next day I awoke completely forgetting the red rocket had a sex change without my permission. I had me some lunch, watched some TV, and then it struck me...my car was white. I cursed every cheap labored mexican that had been working on that bridge and the Georgia Department of Roads. The sign should have read "Niagra Falls of the South ahead, to avoid your car being raped by white stuff...turn around and use an alternate route," but instead it read "Construction ahead, slow down." I knew I had to be at work at three, so I had to hurry the hell up and get ready for worrk so I could get the red rocket another sex reassignment from white back to red. Off I went, change in hand to the car wash....AND CLOSED...yes the damn carwash was closed while they filled the soap tanks. Embarassed of the drive under raping my car got, I drove like a bat out of hell to the Peachtree Road BP Automatic Carwash to use their facilities. Nikki can vouch for this...I was on the phone with her all the while on this fiasco. In I drove...out she came...RED once again....or so I thought. I did infact use an alternate route comming back home Saturday night, but Sunday I got it again.

On my way to church, still half asleep, I went back under the over pass...but this time it was just a trickle...the waterfall had called it a day and was on break, but would be up and running again later.....

After spending all night out at the Dogwood Festival (which looked like Freak Nik) and then out to a few bars, my semi tipsy ass drove under that damned bridge again....and guess what....break was over....let there be another raping of the red rocket....she is white again and I don't care. I will not wash her again till the construction is finished....let the clouds from the sky open and pour down some acid rain, cause that is all the cleaning the red rocket will be receiving for a while! Actually till Sunday, cause she will get a bath before we leave for the beach...Isle of Palms in South Carolina, where there won't be any bridge work.

Your name might be StarKysha if.....

2005-04-09T09:59:00.000-07:00

You ask if you can sub a salad for the dipping sauce that comes with your shrimp....

You add "S" to the end of everything....
Example:
California Rolls
Churries (cherries in StarKysha talk)
Krogers

You wear pants that are way too tight and show all the rolls on your apple bottom....

You say "What had happened was"....

You save your money all week just to buy a Grey Goose Appple Martini with come churries in it at Twist on a Friday night....

Your friend's are name Escladee and StarShante....

You start all of your sentences with "Um yes"....

Your car is worth more than your house....

You think calamari is an exotic food....

You won't eat pork, but you'll eat imatatin crab meat (if you knew how it was made you probably wouldn't)....

You can't walk in heels, but they look good so you wear them anyways....

You have no morals....

You can drop it like it is hot and then pick it up....

You weigh three bills and some change....

Your baby's daddy's name is Orangjello....

You go to Phipps Plaza shopping, but don't buy anything cause you can't afford it....

You don't tip....

You spend all night waiting for someone to buy you a drink, but they never do cause no one wants a BBH (Big Booty Hoe)....

Your day job is CVS (KE gets this one)....

You drink your martini with a coffee straw....

You send food back because you didn't realize it was so big and it is "going to fill you up" (isn't that the reason we eat)....

You have a fake Gucci bag....

You throw up the West Coast finger sign when listening to an East Coast rapper....

You order the cheapest thing on the menu, whether you like it or not....

You ask for free bread when you order a drink (because you don't want to have to pay for food)....

The next time you go out....watch your friends and see if they do any of these things....you may find out their REAL name is StarKysha

Top 10

2005-04-08T12:27:00.000-07:00

Top 10 Reasons I Hate Driving In Atlanta

10. Soccer Mom's - This crazy breed of Buckhead Betty's think that they are the only cars on the road....usually they sport an SUV or a Mini Van and have an ugly kid making faces at you in the back. Buckle the bastards up and stay out of way.

9. Illegal Mexicans - I have a personal problem with them...Who gives them driver's license? They speed about in their piece of shit cars, without any remorse for other motorists. Most of the time they will have atleast 14 people packed in a Geo Metro. I guess brake lights to them mean to go faster...trust me they aren't afraid to hit your car.

8. Hoopties - Seeing how Georgia does not have yearly inspections on cars, citizens can drive just about anything that moves. There is nothing worse than being stuck behind a car that spits black smoke out of it's exhaust and loses parts as it putts around. These are also usually the cause of traffic jams...they break down in the middle of the highway and back up traffic for hours. Thanks guys...I like to spend my time out of work trying to get around you.

7. Highway Patrol - Yeah, these assholes come in every type. They sit along the super freeways just waiting for their victims. Have you ever been pulled over by an officer standing next to a motorcycle along the highway....well I have. Now Progressive Auto Insurance has the right to rape me on car insurance every month...$230.00...I guess 5 speeding tickets will do the trick.

6. Rain - When it rains people just can not drive. A sprinkle will result in accidents all over the metro area. What would these dumbasses do if they got snow? Riding the brakes is the norm in cloudy conditions, for fear of a tiny raindrop dropping from the sky.

5. Marta Buses - These things just suck. Who came up with public transportation, get a car or stay home. They don't use signals and stop when they feel like it. On top of that, it's also an easy way for the trash to make their way from the slums into the nice parts of the city.

4. Rednecks - From outside the perimeter, Alabama, and Tennessee. Cruising in their 4 wheel drive camo painted trucks, sporting NRA stickers and confederate flags, they throw their mullets out the window and harass the city folk. I was once called a "N*gg*r" by one of them in a Bronco....Newsflash dumbass...I'm white!!!!

3. Transfer Trucks - Also known as Semi's...Kings of the highway. Here's a hint...when there is only room for a Civic between two cars...your big rig is not going to fit...learn how to switch lanes and then we will talk!

2. Chinese Woman - Honestly...THE WORSE OF THEM ALL...In their rice burners the zoom about with no reguard for traffic devives or human life. Use your damn mirrors or stay off of the road....when a light is red, STOP! Half the time these bitches can't even see over the dashboard...problem number one. Let's take their license and call it a day.

1. Traffic - I guess the punishment for living in the city and having a job...everyday at 4:30, your 10 minute commute home turns into 2 hours. You would think having a highway that is 8 lanes in one direction would solve this problem, but it doesn't...it makes it worse. "Back roads" turn into parking lots and there is no way to avoid it. God Bless CD players and cell phones, the only way to ease the boredom.

Taste of Atlanta

2005-03-31T14:46:00.000-08:00

Below you will find a few pics of places around the ATL....

2005-03-31T14:42:00.000-08:00

TW!ST

2005-03-31T14:38:00.000-08:00

Buckhead

2005-03-31T14:25:00.000-08:00

Pinnacle Building (across from Twist)

2005-03-31T14:24:00.001-08:00

ATL at night (from Buckhead)

2005-03-31T14:24:00.000-08:00

Bank of America Tower (tallest building in ATL)

2005-03-31T14:23:00.000-08:00

Downtown

2005-03-31T14:22:00.000-08:00

Downtown ATL

2005-03-31T14:21:00.001-08:00

Piedmont Park in Midtown

2005-03-31T14:21:00.000-08:00

Midtown Skyline (where I live)

I've been busy.....

2005-03-31T12:37:00.000-08:00

Well, it has been almost a week since my last post. I have been very busy and when I actually get the time to post, I'll be honest...I AM TOO LAZY. But in this post I will update you on the past week....

First off, Morgan I am sorry to hear about your gram....she was an astounding woman and she will be missed. I can still remember the nights we used to go to her house after cruising around the NC to play cards with Wea (SP), and Gram would be sitting there in her chair, with her cigarette burning, watching the horse races on tv while she did her puzzles. Remember moments like that and she will always be with you.

Now on to my crazy week...lets see.....the last post was Friday after ghetto fab night. Well Saturday night was typical....but long. By the time I left Twist it was almost 3 in the morning. I went home and went right to sleep...exhausted I tell you! Easter Sunday came faster then the red rocket can go....I woke up at about 9:30....giving myself enough time to shower, iron my clothes, and head over to Mt. Paran to meet KE for Easter services. Of course KE was running late...so I had to head in the church with out her. Having never been to Mt. Paran, I was clueless on the situation. The parking deck was chaos. I had to park literally ten miles from the entrance to the church. Once inside, I made my way up to the balcony, where KE met me shortly after. It was a nice service.....very SOUTHERN I might add. After church, I headed home and took a nap and watched some tv. Last year at this time, my family was down here for Easter, this year...I was all alone. Thank god for Stacey the friendly JEW. I don't know what Hitler was thinking, but these people are not bad at all. Ya'll should know...Stacey's last name is BUTTS. Just thought you'd enjoy it. Anyways, back to the story. Stacey and I decided we were going to have oysters and sushi for Easter dinner. We went up to Twist, sat down at the bar and ordered away....I consumed (and I can't figure out why I still only weigh 145 lbs)....a dozen east coast oysters (raw)....a philly roll, an ozeki roll, mini-burgers, shrimp and pork spring rolls, about a dozen beers and yes folks...a fondue for dessert....just call me a fat ass. Actually a fat drunk ass. I ended up wasted and the poor JEW had to drive me home....

MONDAY: WORKED (blah)
TUESDAY: WORKED (ugh)

Wednesday...thank god....a day off. And it was great....80 and sunny! God bless Georgia! I spent the after noon eating and then going to the park with Stacey and Maddie. The park was crowded as usual and Maddie only tried to tear apart 4 dogs this time. We even went to Paulo's in the Highlands....an Italian ice cream shop that was featured on the Food Network. Put it this way...the best Gelato I have ever had.

Wednesday night....KE called and she was in the city. For those of you that don't know, KE lives OTP...outside the perimeter. In Atlanta, we have crazy highways, one of which is called the perimeter, a HUGE freeway that circles the city. I live inside the perimeter (thank god)...I am civilized. KE lives...outside the perimeter (god bless her soul)...she is civilized, but some of those folk are not. Where KE lives...Kennesaw...it is actually a law that you must own a gun. Talk about Georgia Rednecks. Anyways back to the story, so KE headed over and we went out for a drink. We went to Vickery's Bar and Grille and sat outside and had nice evening out, quality time in the city (she really needs to move ITP). The night was short, cause she KE had to drive 25 mins back outside the city.....into suburban territory.

So here we are...Thursday. Right now, I am actually supposed to be at the Sugarloaf Country Club watching the PGA Bellsouth Classic. Unfortunately, mother nature had to be a bitch and dump shit tons of rain on Georgia. I have VIP passes for parking, alcohol, free gear and everything. Golf was postponed till tomorrow, but I have to return to work. Hopefully I can get out there on Sat before I go to work.

Stop back later....I am working on my "Why I don't miss New Castle list"

A WIFE BEATER and WASHED UP RAPPER

2005-03-25T21:49:00.000-08:00

First let me just say....it was 80 and sunny today....but of course I had to work today, slinging Apple Martinis to all the Starkysha's in Atlanta, which is where my story begins.

Walking over to the bar, I see a black man taking a seat and reaching for a menu. I head over to introduce myself, but stop, realizing it is in fact none other than BOBBY BROWN, (Exhibit A) in normal people clothes. Bobby freaking wife beating married to a crack whore Whitney Houston Brown. O.K., I'm sorry, according to Whitney she is not a crack whore and he doesn't beat her (yeah right). After taking a deep breathe, I walk over and ask the man what I can get him to drink. A Budweiser he says, with a glass. Isn't Budweiser the choice of beer for white trash wife beaters? Funny huh? He tells me he is just stopping in for a cold one and quick bite eat while he is doing some shopping around Phipps. So where is his other half your probably wondering? I asked myself the same question. I decided she probably was tied up in his trunk, covered in bruises or in the bathroom, snorting a line. Well I guess it isn't any of my business, but the rumors are she is in REHAB...AGAIN. Another one of Atlanta's finest residents. Alright, back to the story. So Bobby orders himself a dragon roll (it's sushi for all you non-sushi folk). Before digging in, he stops...and PRAYS. Are you freakin kidding me? A wife beater who prays? I don't even know what else to say about that, but whatever. Bobby stuffs his face, and asks for the check...I bring it right over and he hands me a credit card. I look at the name on the card....Whitney Houston. As company policy states, we must ask for I.D. with all credit cards. Well if I know anything, I know Whitney is not a 40 something man with nappy hair, but what was I to do, I know they are married. I ran the card and handed it back to him. His total bill was $16.96. Bobby decided to leave me a tip of $5.00....and he got $20.96 as the total. According to Bobby, 16.96 plus 5.00 is 20.96. Not only is he wife beater ya'll, he CAN'T add. I guess drugs aren't good for the brain. He handed it back to me and told me "I better get going, Whitney is out of town, so I get to spend all weekend by myself with the kids." "They are getting so old and time is precious." Did honestly just tell me that? What a crackhead (that's all I could think). Yeah, the Betty Ford Clinic isn't in Atlanta, so I guess we now know why Whitney was no where to be seen, she was in fact out of town. I thought to myself as Bobby walked out of the bar...what a mess.

No here is where the day gets even more interesting....not even 5 mins after Mr. Brown exited, in comes my sworn enemy....MR. JERMAINE DUPRI. Are you fuckin kidding me...one loser to the next. If anyone knows the story, they know why I hate him. But lets just put it this way, I have taken care of Mr. Dupri in the past on numerous occasions and he does not know how to tip, in fact...HE DOESN'T TIP. Ask anyone...even Justin knows. So anyways, I got stuck waiting on his ass one more time, but thank god he didn't pay, his home boy did. So I did, in fact get tipped this time. I guess when your career hits rock bottom and your girlfriend's brother is a child molester (for those of you who don't know...he dates Janet Jackson)...you can't spend like you used to....huh Jermaine.....side bar, he has SHAVED his head, no more nappy dreads.

Well from then on the night turned out to be a typical Friday night at TWIST....which is a whole different story. Stay tuned.......

A day at the Park

2005-03-24T18:14:00.000-08:00

Well, since is the first post on my blog, I thought I would talk about my eventful day so far. Thursday, my normal day off...errands and shit like that. It started out with a haircut...nothing exciting....really....unitl KE called to tell me about the dumbasses at AMLI in Vinings (where is used to live). They decided that they wanted to f**k us over one more time by telling us we owed them money. According to them they mailed us a statement informing us we owed them money....neither of us got one. HMMM. After looking into this matter further, I realized I had in fact paid these dumbasses their money, but they never received my check...check number 131 in my check register. After talking to a very nice, but ghetto Faye, we cleared all this mess up and went about the day.

After all that drama I was hungry....Stacey called and we were meeting for lunch at Joe's on Juniper, a nice little place where we could sit outside with Maddie (Stacey's dog). Dining out on the patio was actually quite the treat today since it was 70 and SUNNY. Dick Mock (my friend whose real name is Richard, but Dick was the name given to him by my brother) even decided to meet up for some grub....lunch was nothing really exciting itself, except for the 60 yr old men sitting next to us....in full costume....as women....trannies! Yup....TRANNIES! I guess the sun was not the only thing that came out this morning.

After stuffing my face as usual...it was off to the park to let Maddie run free in the Piedmont Park Dog Park....a fenced in area where you let your dog off the leash and they run free and play with other dogs. Maddie, a 9 lb Min Pin (same as my dog back in PA) loves the dog park. She has the chance to prance around and beat up on other dogs, usually BIG dogs. She in fact, as most small dogs, believes that she is a big dog. The first dog we encountered once in the gate was a huge white Siberian Husky. This dog probably made it to ATL after pulling her eskimo owner all the way down from Alaska on a janky wooden sled...no joke! Maddie made it known she was a tough bitch, and this poor dog had to be the first victim. This was her first follower...with more to come. It's seems to be Maddie's job, every time we are there, to lead packs of dogs of all sizes to follow her. She takes off running....like a red streak across the park, followed by her pack of "bitches." After spending about an hour watching this amazing race, we headed home, which brings me to where I am right now. The rest of the evening is undetermined, but I'll fill ya'll in later.

2005-03-24T16:07:00.000-08:00

Old pic, but this is me.